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Know yourself. Know your child.
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SOCRATIC PARENTING: Playing with Plato
Overview
Parenting isn't about having all the answers. It's about helping your child learn to think for herself. It's about exploring ideas together, discovering the world together, and rediscovering yourself through the eyes of your child. Socratic parenting focuses on developing a personal parenting philosophy and sharing that philosophy with your child through dialogues, asking open-ended questions rather than trying to force your own ideas and belief system upon the child.
Other parenting books focus on the sameness of children. All children need food, love, sleep, stimulation, discipline, medical attention, etc. Socratic Parenting focuses on the uniqueness of each parent and child. Other parenting books have catchy tricks-of-the-trade and long lists of do's and don'ts with the premise that if it appears to be effective, it must be good. Socratic Parenting asks, "Why does it work, and what is it that I'm really teaching my child?" By developing their own self-knowledge and knowing their child, parents can focus on their personal beliefs and goals in determining how best to handle situations with their child as the situations arise.
Most parents are up to their eyeballs in diapers, formula, and how-to books. If they are picking up the writings of great philosophers, they're probably clearing the old college texts off of their bookshelves to make way for the baby books, or using them as non-prescription sedatives to deal with the insomnia that frequently accompanies their new-found lack of REM sleep. Even as parents are reflecting on some of life's biggest issues for the first time, they're not going to find The Complete Works of Plato on any parenting reading lists anywhere.
As an inquisitive child, turned questioning teenager, turned high school teacher, turned lawyer, turned mother, Laurie Gray has, in fact, read The Complete Works of Plato and developed a Socratic method of parenting inspired by her own parenting experiences and Socrates, the greatest teacher of all times. Most school teachers have at least heard of the Greek philosopher Socrates who lived approximately 400 years B.C., and all law students are familiar with the Socratic method of teaching critical thinking skills through guided questions. Socrates, however, was a talker rather than a writer, so his teachings are preserved through the writings of his students Plato and Xenophon. Of all Socrates' students and really all philosophers, Plato is The Philosopher. It has been said that all philosophy is a footnote to Plato, and nearly all of Plato's writings employ Socratic dialogues with Socrates as the questioner.
Socrates is a one-stop shop for exploring the great philosophical questions. The Greeks consider him to be the inventor of ethics, based upon his questions directed to law, justice, and goodness. While he was a relatively young man, the Delphic Oracle pronounced Socrates the wisest of all men, but Socrates believed that if he was the wisest, it was only because he understood that he knew nothing. What better foundation of philosophy for all parents be they new parents overwhelmed by feeling "I-know-nothing" or more seasoned parents facing the "You-know-nothing" attitude of teenagers? This Socratic Parenting book makes the timeless philosophy of Plato accessible to parents in a format that's easy to understand and enjoyable to read.
The book is loosely organized around what Thomas Jefferson described as "self-evident truths" and "inalienable rights" in the Declaration of Independence: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. All Americans are familiar with these concepts and most hold them in highest esteem. By exploring the paradox behind each of these seemingly clear rights, parents can begin to know themselves and to think about what it is that they really want for their children.
Book's Table of Contents
Forward by Socrates
Introduction
PART I. LIFE
Key = W.I.T.
W=Wisdom
I=Integrity
T=Truth
Chapter 1. Seeking Wisdom from Our Parents.
Ask yourself these questions about your parents:
1. Did my parents show me respect?
2. Did my parents make me feel comfortable?
3. Did my parents give me a chance to ask questions?
4. Did my parents really listen to my questions?
5. Were my questions answered in terms I understood?
6. Did my parents ask me questions?
7. Did my parents address my concerns?
8. Did my parents ask my preferences?
9. Did I feel that my parents spent enough time with me?
Chapter 2. Showing Integrity in Our Own Lives.
Socratic parents understand that you cannot control or change your children. The only person that you can control and change is yourself. An excellent first step toward changing yourself is to begin using affirmations. By articulating exactly what it is that you wish to become without worrying about how you can or will accomplish it, your mind can begin doing the work for you, finding ways to make it happen. Affirmations are short, clear affirmative statements of your desired goal. Because you're focusing on changing yourself, affirmations should begin, "I ... ." They must be completely positive, with no negative words or ideas (i.e., no, not, stop, refrain). Here are 10 examples that I've developed and used for myself:
1. I am a loving, nurturing parent.
2. I react calmly to all situations.
3. I listen to and acknowledge my child's words, body language, and emotions.
4. I practice proactive discipline.
5. I explore and discover the world with my child.
6. I learn and grow with my child.
7. I work cooperatively with my child to identify and solve problems.
8. I model good habits and good choices for my child.
9. I love and accept my child for who she is.
10. I trust my child to develop good habits and make good choices.
Chapter 3. Speaking Truth to Our Children.
PART II. LIBERTY
Key = A.C.T.
A=Accept
C=Create
T=Try
Chapter 4. Accept Responsibility for Your Actions
Chapter 5. Create Order by Your Actions
Chapter 6. Try, Keep Trying, and Try Again
PART III. HAPPINESS
Key = T.A.G.
T=Thoughts
A=Actions
G=Growth
Chapter 7. Choose Positive Thoughts
Chapter 8. Choose Humane Actions
Chapter 9. Choose a Path of Growth
Conclusion. Prayer of Socrates
Grant that I may be beautiful inside. Let all my external possessions be in friendly harmony with what is within. May I consider the wise man rich. As for gold, may I have as much as a moderate man could bear and carry with him.
--Phaedras 279c
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